Book Blues

I overdid working on my book today. I stared at the computer screen for so many hours I felt it draining all my energy. Doing the graphics part of this project is normally easier for me, but everything seemed endless and complicated. How many hours can you spend trying to make a cardboard box in Photoshop before throwing up your hands in disgust?
I was also battling with self-doubt. Why am I putting myself through the on-going stress of trying to finish another book? The memory of my previous failure was hovering around all day. It’s been a slow year for me work wise, so the combination of worrying about money and focusing on something that’s not even close to a sure thing is taking its toll.
But enough winging. Emma and David made pancakes and fresh fruit for dinner tonight, and then we all continued on watching Laguna Beach. Emma says it reminds her of high school and David likes Lauren, so they’re really into it. As for me, I’m always waiting for the camera to pan over the Pacific or the food they’re constantly eating.
Even though I usually feel like a fourteen year old trapped in a much older body, I know what age I am when I’d rather fanaticize about my next meal or taking pictures of a sunset. Cynical as it sounds, I had my heart broken as a teenager, and I didn’t find it interesting then…let alone now. I finally asked David: “Is it my imagination or is Laguna Beach totally empty?” He laughed and said: “Mom, that’s the point.”